Shiori Fantasy
by crazykitsune17
Summary: Kaitou x Shiori oneshot total crack. A series of Kaitou's journal entries tell his tale of odd fantasies about the mother of his worst enemy... Please review! Rated to be safe.


A/N: Don't even ask what started this pairing. Very long story. Pre-series ficcie. :)Total crack.XD

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Disclaimer: Asking me if I own YYH is like asking a kindergartener if he can calculate pi. The answer is no.

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**Shiori Fantasy**

by crazykitsune17

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Dear Journal,

Today I think I met the love of my life. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever had the pleasure of making acquaintances. She's tall, skinny yet curvy, dark hair, and the sweetest brown eyes I've ever seen in my entire life.

I saw her today at school during parent-teacher conferences, and I'm pretty sure she turned more heads than just mine.

Sensibly dressed in a pink knee-length skirt and matching blazer, the lady exuded "sassy". There are a thousand other words in my expansive vocabulary that I could use to describe her, but "sassy" sticks out.

She looked like a real businesswoman – smart, sexy, quite stylish too. Her shiny, radiant hair was done in a low ponytail, tied at the base of her neck with an elastic band and an elegant Chinese comb. She wore a semi see-through white blouse beneath her blazer. I even remember the buttons. One was undone - the top button - showing her beautiful neckline.

This woman's neck was the only one I could even begin to think about nuzzling. All of the other girls I've met don't appeal to me at all. Call me out-of-touch and old-fashioned, but I don't like short skirts, low-cut shirts, dyed hair, or fake breasts.

What I want is a real woman. Someone mature, yet someone to be silly around, someone who respects herself yet someone attractive, someone intelligent, friendly, and all-around perfect.

This woman was all that and so much more. Even her offspring is perfect, just like she is. Just as attractive, too, I'll shamefully admit.

But I definitely like the lady more. No matter how great her son is, I've no desire to be with him. Shuichi Minamino is not my style.

But his mother, Shiori… She's the one I want.

Dear Journal, I am in love with Shiori Minamino.

-Yuu Kaitou

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Dear Journal,

My mind is completely occupied by thoughts of Shiori. Ever since last night, at precisely 7:03 pm (1903 hours military time, 10:03am Greenwich Mean Time, if you wish to know or want to be technical), the lovely Ms. Minamino has been on my mind.

At dinner, all I could think about was Shiori. We were having beef stroganoff from a box, and I began to wonder if Shiori could cook… Probably. Now that I think about it, I believe Shuichi once mentioned that she made excellent Belgian waffles.

My mind drifted to thoughts of Shiori on a Saturday morning, dressed in an apron (as well as a knee-length pink skirt and white blouse with a flower pattern with her hair done up gorgeously in a bun, to be detailed) cooking waffles. I could hear the sizzle of the batter and hear her humming a song – a sweet serenade to celebrate the sunny morning. I could even smell the waffles, and, if I thought hard enough, the syrup too. It was maple syrup, fresh, imported from Canada.

I couldn't even begin to imagine how the waffles tasted, however.

Later, my little sister started watching a movie. _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_, was what she was watching. Every woman in the movie paled considerably in comparison to Shiori.

And even though magic doesn't exist, I came to the conclusion that Shiori has more magic in her little finger than Harry, Ron, and Hermione put together. So she couldn't fly a broomstick or turn into a cat. But she could occupy my mind for over twenty-four hours, and that's a skill that takes diligent practice. But Shiori had mastered it in one fateful night.

I'll admit I even thought of Shiori while I was in the shower this morning. I even thought about her naked. I've never thought of anyone naked before.

But I'm not going to tell anyone of this. I, unlike the uneducated fools that seem to obnoxiously populate our schools, will not openly discuss my erotic fantasies in locker rooms, restrooms, or in between classes. It is more respectful to Shiori that way. And that's what I want to give her… my respect and my undying devotion and love.

The night hours are late now. I can feel my brain readying itself to produce dream images of Shiori Minamino now. Good night, Journal.

-Yuu Kaitou

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Dear Journal,

I organized a stake-out at Shuichi's house today, though it wasn't much of a stake-out since it was only me. I hid behind one of the many rosebushes in the Minamino's front yard and just watched.

The only information I could ascertain from my uncomfortable position amidst the roses was that Shiori got home from work at 4:30, shared a cup of coffee with Shuichi, made dinner with Shuichi, ate dinner with Shuichi, watched the Lifetime Movie Network for a few hours, called somebody on the phone and talked to them for seventeen minutes, then went to bed some moments later.

Shuichi doesn't realize how lucky he is. He gets to spend all that time with Shiori… granted, she _is_ his mother… But I don't spend that much time with _my_ mother… Still, I envy Shuichi and would happily trade places with him so I could be with my lovely Shiori.

We would be perfect. When she would get home from work, she would slip off her shoes, and I would welcome her with a soft peck on the cheek. She'd smile, change out of her work clothes and into a pair of tight grey sweatpants and a long maroon T-shirt. She'd take her hair out, and I would run my fingers through it gently, then move down to her shoulders for a relaxing massage. I've read a book on massage techniques, and I know the perfect way to soothe a lady's sore tendons with a deep muscle massage.

After that, we would cook something fun and exotic… maybe something Italian. I was always fond of fettuccine alfredo… We would dine together with the lights turned low, the television buzzing in the background. But neither of us would hear it; we would both be so deeply immersed in each other's eyes, too busy to notice anything else.

Then comes a slightly less realistic scene. Both Shiori and would I migrate to a roof (not the roof of Shuichi's house, a flat-top like they have in movies), where Johannes Brahms's "Waltz No. 15" would be playing softly from an unseen stereo. We would grasp each others' hands and dance to the music. The moon would be full, the night sky clear with only a few clouds and twinkling stars.

I haven't thought of anything else to come after our dance scene yet. I wish I could ask her to the prom… but it's several months away, and besides, I want her to at least get to know me first for a while.

But my barrier of shyness holds me back. I've never asked a girl out before, but I've felt the pain of rejection, and it's not an experience I found pleasurable. I will sleep on it and put it off for one more night, but tomorrow I will tell her. I will let Shiori know my true feelings for her.

-Yuu Kaitou

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Dear Journal,

I've thought on it all morning, and I have come up with the perfect plan. I will write Shiori a letter explaining my feelings to her. I am confident that it will work, as my writing and literary skills are extraordinarily above average. If I don't say so myself, I'd say they far surpass Shuichi's.

I'll copy down a draft of my letter here:

_Dear Ms. Shiori Minamino,_

_Before you read the rest of this, promise not to tell a single soul about this letter. Do not show it to anyone, do not speak of it to anyone, and do not let this letter be found by anyone, not even your son. _

_My name is Yuu Kaitou, and I am fifteen years old. I go to school with your son, and Ms. Minamino, he is a fine student. You must be proud._

_I first saw you on parent-teacher conference night last Tuesday. One of the first thoughts to cross my mind that night when I laid eyes on you was, "My, what a remarkably beautiful woman." I watched you the entire time; I couldn't take my eyes off you._

_Since then, you've been in my mind all day and all night, in both my conscious thoughts as well as my subconscious. Ms. Minamino, I have come to the irrefutable conclusion that I am in love with you._

_I have noticed that you are single, Ms. Minamino, and while I'm sure your Shuichi makes excellent company, do you not ever find yourself wishing for a man to call your lover?_

_If this is so, you can trust me to be good to you, Ms. Minamino. I am a respectable man; I am honest, trustworthy, loyal, kind, and quite intelligent. I will treat you the best I can, give you my unconditional love and undying affection. Ms. Minamino, I am a man who will fulfill your every desire to the best of my ability. It doesn't matter that we are twenty-five years apart in age. I would love a woman like you if you were sixty._

_Please consider me as a possible man for you. I'm always at home if you need me. I have included my phone number, e-mail and house address should you wish to contact me._

_I hope to hear from you soon, Ms. Minamino_

_-Yuu Kaitou_

I think it's a fairly decent letter. It gets to the point quickly, and it's simplistic. I refrained from my usual ten-page essay format that I am so accustomed to and condensed it all into a single page (though not after making several omissions and revisions), making it easy to read and understand. I will mail it tomorrow; I will have to spend a day in tormented waiting until it arrives at her house.

I've never been so nervous before in my life. Even school exams are less nerve-wracking than this. Schoolwork is easy – there is always a right and wrong answer. There is no one else involved but you. But in this situation, I have to depend on Shiori. For once in my life, I will not know the answer to a question. I don't know what Shiori is going to say.

I have nothing else to do now but wait…

-Yuu Kaitou

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Dear Journal,

The weekend has passed, and I've no response from Shiori yet. I couldn't concentrate in school; my sweaty hands could not hold a pencil, and my worried mind could focus on nothing but Shiori.

I wonder if she even got my letter. Perhaps something went wrong at the post office and it got lost in the mail… There are countless other possibilities as to what happened with the letter, each more unlikely than the next. My vivid imagination imagines the worst for the outcome, the same way it imagines the best fantasies with Shiori.

Please excuse me, the telephone is ringing…

-Yuu Kaitou

Dear Journal,

The woman on the telephone was Shiori. She said she wanted to talk to me in person, tomorrow night around 6:00. We are to meet at the subway station by the old McDonald's.

I'm so nervous, I can scarcely write. My hands are shaking, and my heart is pumping blood at a pace that surely can't be healthy. I'm surprised I haven't gone into cardiac arrest.

I have a feeling that tomorrow will crawl by slower than a snail on sandpaper. I can hardly wait to see Shiori.

-Yuu Kaitou

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**Mushiyori City Press**

Wednesday, October 28

**BOY FOUND DEAD NEAR SUBWAY STATION**

by Reishi Shinomori

_Late Tuesday night, the body of a teenage boy was discovered dead with a 9mm bullet lodged in the back of his head near the Mushiyori Subway Station. The boy, Yuu Kaitou, age fifteen and a resident of Mushiyori City, was taken to Mushiyori Hospital where he was officially pronounced dead at 9:47pm. According to Kaitou's mother, the boy was supposed to meet a woman named Shiori at six o'clock that evening. Foul play is suspected, but police have no substantial evidence to convict anyone as of yet…_

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A/N: Interpret the ending however you wish. Ileft it ambiguous for that purpose.Please review!

--crazykitsune17--


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